At the beginning of my personal development journey, I had no idea what self-love was... And I had no clue I wasn't loving myself... Let alone what to do to start loving myself.
Seriously, how do you even do that when you're only starting on your journey and when society tells you that taking care of yourself and prioritising your needs is selfish?
A lot of people have asked me "How can I love myself?", "Where do I start on my self-love journey?", "Is it about loving my body and how I look?"
So I decided to help and bring more content around Self-Love...
Back in February 2021, I created a self-love challenge that I posted on Instagram. In this article, you will find this self-love challenge, it's like a personal development plan, you get inspiration, self-love prompts, tips and info that can help you on your path.
It's been a long journey for me and if I can help you accelerate yourself so that you can love yourself and improve your life and your relationships, I'll be happy to do so.
I have a free clarity call available - whether we work together or not, you'll walk away with clarity on your next steps.
From self-abuse to self-love (my personal self-love journey)
Throwback to 2008-2009, my dear friend & Medicine Man teacher (a wise and powerful Lakota Elder) sent me a message and some of his words where "you do not love yourself". If I'm honest, I had no idea what he meant, I was confused because I didn't know self-love was a thing. I had become a busy executive, I was successful and even if I was aware that I struggling with body image issues and being super hard on myself (I'd call it self-abuse...).
I wasn't aware that it wasn't "normal" (if I may say so) to always be hard on myself, to belittle yourself and to feel like I had to prove I was worthy of my position in the company so I wouldn't deceive my boss who had full trust in me... (see how I was projecting my insecurities on my boss - a confident business man and CEO who knew what he was doing...) Yet, there was a void within myself, I was feeling either overwhelmed or empty, sometimes depressed, even burnt out at some point...
Now it's easy to see that the void I was feeling was the lack of connection with myself, even if I was aware and sensing a lot around me, I was missing a key element... awareness of myself to a deeper level. Back then... my teacher had sensed it and he told me that I had to love myself. So to the level of awareness I had at the time, I thought "ok I need to work on my eating disorder and feel better about myself"...
Then the healing journey started, the journey back to myself...
My words of encouragement to you: if I managed to love myself and become my own friend, you can do it too
Fast forward to now, I am helping others understand the void, get through it so that they can get to the other side where the light (THEIR light) shines... and this involves connecting back with yourself, healing wounds and traumas, shedding false beliefs and programmings, inherited patterns so that the truth, YOUR truth, can be found! It's been a long journey for me, and pretty dark too if I'm honest, but because I've been through it and came out on the other side on my own, I can help you navigate it with grace.
It does NOT have to take time, you don't have to do it alone, but you need to do it. I can't do it for you, just like my teacher couldn't tell me how to love myself, he could just be the catalyst so that I could work my way through it and then become a teacher for others. If you'd like to go to the next step of your journey back to yourself, I can help you clear blocks so that you can release those from your energy field and elevate your reality. That's the key ingredient to manifesting.
Feel free to drop me a message, let's chat.
Myth-busting: "self-love is about physical appearance" -> not true
Have you ever thought this?
At the very beginning of my journey, I thought it was about loving your physical appearance and your body... something I had struggled with since childhood because of the bullying I had undergone, among other things... You can't know better until you know better, right?
Although loving your physical appearance and your body as a whole is indeed part of loving yourself, self-love goes deeper than that.
Self-love implies the physical, emotional, mental/mindset, soul aspects of you, what makes you you, your energy. It's about loving each and every aspect of yourself.
Self-love goes hand in hand with self-acceptance, that is to say accepting yourself and knowing you also have the power to improve what you feel you need to improve - NOT from a place of running away from yourself - but from a place of embracing yourself and growing because you know you have potential and you are infinite. Self-love needs to be unconditional, it implies healing your traumas, false programming (false beliefs, thought patterns), toxic habits, emotional wounds. That's what we call "doing the shadow work".
When you do the "shadow work", that is to say when you heal and learn to accept yourself fully more and more, you release bocks, you unlock new opportunities and you can manifest (or create) your dream life.
What is shadow work?
Acknowledging and exploring every aspect of yourself, including those that you judge harshly and that you don't like about yourself in order to heal wounds and love yourself unconditionally in spite of everything you went through.
If you need help with Shadow Work, I have something for you, click the image to unlock your free masterclass.
Blocks to self-love create blocks in different areas of life
As within so without
The outside world is a reflection of your inner world, we see the world through the lens of our programming, wounds and limitations. Everything comes from within, the answer lies within you.
When you reconnect with yourself you open energy doors within, you clear your energy field from low vibrational (= negative) energies and you can reach your desired reality.
Are you ready to step into unconditional self-love?
Before we start I want to share 2 things:
1) A little self-love exercise
Write down at least 10 things that you love about yourself and thank yourself, your body, your cells and your Higher Self for keeping on, no matter what.
Feel how good it feels to acknowledge yourself, your value and your own heart.
2) A self-love decree that I created to get you started
Place your hands on your heart and repeat this statement:
"From today on, I am giving myself permission to love myself and take actions that support my highest good. I will not consciously allow any situations that aren't serving me and I ask my inner wisdom to make me aware of anything that harms me. From now on, I will be my own best friend"
This 9-day self-love challenge will help you get start on your journey with one action to take every day.
Self-love Day 1 - Letting go of judgment
Judging and criticizing yourself is not an act of elf-love. It is not going to bring you anything valuable, most of the time judgment is a programming from childhood (family values, peers, school, etc.) and it is not objective, it is not coming from a place of love.
So today, become aware of how you judge yourself and analyze your inner speech (= the way you talk to yourself).
As you do this, you're going to shift this habit and ask yourself how you can change it.
Shift your focus from "I am too this" or "I am not enough that" to "Why do I judge myself as "too this" or "not enough that"?" This will help you develop a growth mindset and gain insight. You will start questioning yourself from a place of self-growth and self-love to embody this energy.
Self-Love Day 2 - Accepting your emotions
Accepting your emotions is a form of self-love.
Your emotions don't define you, they are part of human nature.
Nature is pure love and benevolence, nature allows, in nature everything flows, everything just is...
As a human being, you are a part of nature, just allow your emotions to flow freely like a river.
Emotions are energies in motion, they are meant to flow, we we resist persist and what we allow will flow.
When you feel emotions that are not necessarily comfortable or pleasant, remember to take a deep breath, to just feel and give thanks for life, for feeling means being alive. Allow and trust it will flow and move through you quicker if you don't resist (that's actually a Universal Law: the Law of Least Resistance).
If there's an emotion you're struggling to accept, please drop me a line and I will give you a personalised tip. You can do so in the comments or via my contact page
Self-love Day 3 - Talking positively about yourself
Let's start by debunking some myth here according to which "if you talk negatively about yourself, you will be less hurt when someone talks negatively about you because at least you were prepared"
I have heard people say this before and I used to believe that too... But this is absolutely false... Because:
- you have heard negative things about yourself in the past (most likely in childhood or at a moment when you were vulnerable) from someone you acknowledged as an "authority" so you took this statement as true, but it's not true.
- your ego (=defense mechanism) is trying to protect you from being hurt so it is telling you that if you know that negative fact about you already, no one can hurt you again because it is the truth, but it's not true
- you are projecting this "false truth" (deliberate use of an oxymoron here) on other people, allowing them to treat you the same way as you carry this pattern in your energy field. People respond to energy without being aware of it, you will then have created a situation that will confirm that your ego was right (but it's not)
- when you talk negatively about yourself, you are placing other people in a negative mindset about you...
But what if people didn't have anything negative to say about you?
What if you opened yourself to receiving compliments?
What if you let people welcome you for who you are?
And what if you would let that negative self-talk go?
No matter what, always talk positively about yourself, you are worthy.
You can listen to my podcast episode: "7 reasons not to talk negatively about yourself"
And in the same spirit, don't make self-depreciative jokes. It's ok to laugh about something you did and not take yourself too seriously from a place of self-love, but don't shame or ridicule yourself. It all depends on the energy you place behind your words and your intentions.
Self-love Day 4 - Choosing yourself
Sometimes, we find ourselves doing things we didn't really fancy doing, just to please someone or by fear to be judged, to disappoint or you name it...
I have done it before... a lot... until I decided to say "stop".
You can say no kindly you don't have to explain why in details, honor yourself and your needs, don't force yourself if you feel something is bringing you down.
Myth-busting: "It is selfish to take care of yourself" --> definitely not!
This is a false belief conveyed by society...
How can you take care of others if you don't take care of yourself first?
You can't pour from an empty bottle...
The more you take care of yourself, the more you can love yourself, the more you can take care of others and love them unconditionally like you love yourself...
Here's some self-love journal prompts:
In which way do I people-please?
What happens when I say "yes" while I actually want to say "no"?
What would happen if I said "no"?
How can I choose myself today?
What do I need today?
What action can I take to honor my needs on a daily basis?
Self-love Day 5 - Being authentic
Not lying to yourself or to others. Of course, we keep growing on our journey and your level authenticity of today is different from the level you had 2 years ago, for example.
Being authentic means having words and actions that match your energy, and vice versa. Sometimes you meet people whose speech say one thing and their energy and subtle language (choice of words but also body language) says something else.
We are all responsible for the words we use and the energy behind them makes a big difference.
Always express your truth, even if your voice shakes.
Self-love Day 6 - Learning new things
See yourself as a student of life, keep learning new things, look at life like a child does: being curious to discover new things.
Invest in yourself - investing can be with money (money is energy anyway) but not only! Investing in time and energy, dedicating some time every day or once a week to learn something new: read a book, follow a course, watch a video on something that you're interested in. Study yourself, learn and walk the path of self-mastery if that's something you're interested in :)
Talk to people, listen to their stories, even observing nature and animals can teach you things :)
Every time you learn something new, you unlock your DNA and expand your consciousness.
Self-love Day 7: Treating your body like a Sacred Temple
Your body is the Earthly vehicle of your soul.
So for today, do something for yourself and for your wellness, whether it is physical, emotional, mental or spiritual wellness.
For example: replace your soda with home-made ginger tea, replace alcohol with a smoothy, cook yourself a good meal, take some time to meditate.
If you enjoy guided meditations, I have a few available for free on Youtube. Here's the playlist of my meditations:
If you prefer listening without the wi-fi on, I have a podcast, it's available on your favorite platform.
Everyday you can take some time to practice self-care, you just need to be present with yourself, talk to yourself nicely when you look in the mirror, journal, eat high vibrational food... the possibilities are endless...
Having an energy cleanse session is also part of self-care as it will cleanse your aura and make you reconnect with yourself at deeper levels.
You deserve the best.
Self-love Day 8: Embracing your uniqueness and your own journey
Comparing yourself to other people is harming you. We are all unique.
Cultivate your uniqueness, take inspiration from people you admire but don't compare, create yourself the way you want to be.
Seeing people who inspire you is the proof that you can do it too! What you see in these people you admire is also within you. Keep working on your dreams and embracing your uniqueness.
You are awesome!!!
Self-love Day 9: You are enough, doing your best is enough
Yes, your best is enough. Doing your best from your heart is your guarantee to trust yourself and that you can't go "wrong".
And you know what?
Your best can evolve, you can grow and always improve yourself, learn about yourself from a place of love so you can constantly step into the updated version of yourself.
On a daily basis
For example, every day when you wake up, you can ask yourself
"How can I love myself more"
"What can I do to show myself some love today?"
I can assure you that you will find a way.
It doesn't have to be something big, it can be a simple act of self-love: going for a walk, sitting outside for a minute, cooking a healthy meal (you don't want any fast food meal), do your nails... it can even be to say something nice to yourself... or pouring a glass of water, holding it between your hands and saying "love" to infuse your water with love and then drink it :)
After reading this article, are ready to start your self-love journey?
Let's start now? Talk to yourself kindly and treat yourself like you would want your partner to treat you.